Hopes and Dreams
by TheLestrangeMistress
Summary: Pain clawed at his chest when he realised Theo didn't remember their relationship. All their hopes and dreams had just disappeared in a single moment. James hoped beyond belief Theo would get his memories back as he wasn't sure how how would cope if he didn't.


**A/N: This is for Hogwarts assignment 4, History of Magic: Famous Historical Wizards task #2 Write about someone suffering from a magical illness. It's also for Slash September prompt James Sirius. It's 1991 words and betad by DIG.**

James stood in the small, stuffy waiting room on the second floor of St Mungo's. He had been anxiously waiting for a healer to come and tell him what was wrong with his boyfriend, Theo Nott.

Theo very rarely became ill, so when he started becoming fatigued, confused, and forgetful, James had insisted they go to St Mungo's.

"Mr Potter," a healer called.

"Yes," James said.

"If you follow me, I will take you to the quarantine area," the man said before turning around and walking away.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, worried.

"I will explain when you get there."

James started to panic.

Something must be terribly wrong if they were asking him to go to the quarantine area as well.

The healer led him down a corridor and into a room which was partitioned.

"Please step through the door."

James did as he was told whilst trying to work out what was going on.

Without any warning water poured from the ceiling drenching him completely before blasts of warm air dried him.

James had heard about this happening before. His dad had told him how everytime you came out from seeing someone infected with a contagious disease you were given a sterile wash to prevent it from spreading.

 _Oh Merlin, what's wrong with Theo?_ he thought.

After a moment, the same healer came in and performed a series of complicated wand movements.

After they had finished, they introduced themselves, "My name is Healer Roberts, and I'm sorry for the evasiveness Mr Potter but your partner has Cerebrumous Spattergroit. Your examination was to make sure he hadn't passed the disease onto you."

"I've not heard of that before," James admitted.

He had of course heard of Spattergroit - his family had pretended that his uncle Ron had got it during the war - but he had never heard about this version of it.

"Cerebrumous Spattergroit is a strain of Spattergroit which causes severe confusion and memory impairment. The person suffering from it will also have all the symptoms of the more common strain such as the purple pustules, inability to speak, and extreme fatigue," Healer Roberts explained.

"When you say memory impairment, do you mean memory loss?"

"Memory loss before the illness is the most common symptom reported, but there are also cases where the person is unable to retain memories whilst they are still recovering."

"Do I have it?" he asked.

"No, your results were negative. We performed the sterile wash as we may not have got a clear reading as you have been in close proximity to Mr Nott."

"How bad is he?" James asked dreading the answer.

He had heard of people dying from Spattergroit and hoped that Theo was nowhere near that stage.

"The disease is still in its early stages yet as the pustules have only just begun forming. We have given him the first dose of the cure, but sometimes people get worse before they get better."

"Can I see him?"

"I can take you to his room, but you won't be allowed in. He is still contagious at this time," Healer Roberts informed him.

"I would still like to go."

James followed the healer through the door on the other side of the washroom into the ward. Each room was sealed and only those with the distinctive lime green robes were allowed in.

The atmosphere was bleak and he hoped that his lover wouldn't have to stay for too long.

"He's just in this room here," they said pointing to the last room on the left.

"Thank you," James said as he moved closer to the glass wall.

From his spot, James could see that Theo was fast asleep. The whole day must have exhausted him. When James was sure he wasn't going to wake up he flooed home.

About a week after he had been admitted, Theo was no longer contagious and James was allowed to see him. The majority of the time Theo was asleep as he was still suffering from extreme fatigue, but James would sit there anyway holding his hand and telling him about the latest case developments.

On his fifth visit Theo slowly started to wake up, and James couldn't contain his happiness.

"Potter, what are you doing here? Where is Marigold? Why are you holding my hand?" Theo asked groggily whilst looking around.

The brief moment of happiness was shattered. It was clear that the cure for Spattergroit had worked as he could talk, but Theo's memory had somehow got worse.

Letting go of his hand, James said, "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was taking Marigold out on a date to Alejandro's and asked you to prepare for our case against Rivers," Theo told him, looking around the room.

The Rivers case had been tried before the Wizengamot three years ago, and James remembered it vividly. It had been over those hours they had spent together getting the evidence airtight that he had begun to fall in love with him.

At the time, Theo was in a relationship with Marigold Parkinson and seemed very happy until he confessed that he didn't like her romantically. Marigold was devastated to begin with, but seemed to understand once he and James had started dating.

"That was three years ago. Marigold is married to Adrian Pucey now," he told him.

For some reason James could not find the words to tell him that they were in a relationship.

"Are you sure?" Theo asked.

"I'm sure, Theo," James said gently.

"You never call me that," he stated, surprised.

"You asked me to...after the Rivers case." James's voice trailed off.

Pain clawed at his chest when he realised Theo didn't remember their relationship. All their hopes and dreams had just disappeared in a single moment. James hoped beyond belief Theo would get his memories back as he wasn't sure how how would cope if he didn't.

An awkward silence fell between them.

"Well, I better go. Did you want me to ask anyone to come and visit you?" James asked.

"Can you ask Draco please?" Theo asked.

"Of course, but I think he's coming to see you today anyway."

"Goodbye then, Potter," Theo said, dismissing him.

James walked out of the room and headed straight towards the healer's station. Once he managed to get Healer Roberts attention he explained about Theo's memory.

"It's very common with witches and wizards suffering from Cerebrumous Spattergroit to forget whole periods of their life. Sometimes the memories return, and sometimes they don't. The best you can do is surround him with things which are familiar to him. Bring photos in, or his favourite books. Anything personal could help bring the memories back."

Slipping out of the ward and back onto the corridor, James leant back against the wall as the reality of everything set in.

 _What would I do if he can't remember us at all?_

"Potter," Draco said breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Mr Malfoy. How are you?" James asked politely.

They didn't like each other - there was too much history between their families- but they tolerated each other for Theo's sake.

"How is he?" Malfoy asked.

"His memory has got worse, but apart from that and his exhaustion, he seems to be alright," James said, his voice inches away from breaking but he willed himself to stay strong.

"How has his memory got worse?"

James swallowed.

This was the part he knew was going to hurt the most. He was having to admit that the man he loved no longer remembered that they were together.

"When he woke up, Theo thought he was still seeing Marigold. I asked him what was the last thing he remembered and he said telling me to start preparing for the Rivers case," James said, struggling to keep his emotions in.

"I'm sincerely sorry. I know we don't care much for each other, but I know you love Theo. It must hurt he doesn't remember anything," Malfoy said sincerely.

"It does, but I didn't have the heart to tell him about us. Maybe next time I visit I will bring a few photos in to help him. He did ask for you after by the way. I told him you said you'd pop by," James said.

"Thank you. Did you want me to not tell him about your relationship?"

James thought before he answered. As much as he thought he should be the one to tell Theo, it might be awkward when he did and that was something James would rather avoid. On the other hand, he didn't want Malfoy to go in there and blurt it out.

"Only if he asks about me. If he doesn't I will tell him the next time I come," he replied.

After saying goodbye, he walked straight down to reception and flooed to his parents house as he didn't want to be alone.

"James is that you?" his mum called.

"Yeah, it is," he replied emotionally.

As he sat in the chair opposite the fireplace, James could no longer hold his emotions in and started crying.

Soft arms enveloped him and pulled him into a hug.

"Oh sweetheart, let it all out," his mum said, rubbing his back.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Ginny said, once his sobs had subsided.

"He doesn't remember us being together at all. He thought he was still with Marigold. I didn't tell him either. I didn't know how to," James confessed.

"I'm so sorry, son. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. If there is anything I can do to help then let me know," she said pulling him tighter.

"Healer Roberts said that having photos, and his favourite things around him might help bring everything back, but he also said that his memory might never come back at all."

"If that's the case then you will just have to make new memories together, won't you?" she murmured.

"If he still wants me," James replied.

"Of course he will. Once he sees how happy you've been the past couple of years he will want to try again," she said.

"I hope so," James said.

The rest of the evening went by painfully slow as his mum filled in the rest of the family what was going on.

They had all tried to reassure James that Theo would be a fool to end things when it was clear from photos, letters, and other personal items that they loved each other. He wanted to believe them, he really did, but a feeling in his gut was telling him that it wouldn't be so easy.

A few days later and James returned to the hospital with some of Theo's favourite books from home.

"James," Theo said clearing his throat, "Draco told me. About us."

"What else did he say?" James asked, as he turned around to face him.

A part of him was relieved he didn't have to tell Theo about their relationship. James didn't think he would have been able to cope if he had reacted badly to finding out.

"He said that we were really happy, and even if I had doubts that I should give you a chance."

"I can't say I wouldn't be happy if you did give me a chance, but I would understand if you didn't. At the moment I know everything about you and you don't know nothing about me," James admitted.

"I think it would be foolish of me to not try and work things out with you. The healer did say the memory loss might be temporary, but it couldn't hurt getting to know you again; it might help me remember," Theo said.

"I would love that," James said feeling overwhelmed.

Sitting down next to the bed, James told Theo not just about himself, but about their relationship too. I might take some time, but he hoped that Theo would be able to remember.


End file.
